Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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