Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
