i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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