you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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