a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
