those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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