We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
