Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
