We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
