Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i already hear my dad disowning me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize