the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
