..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
