I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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