the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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