I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
