Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
