I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
