Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
