Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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