I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
