No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
