I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
