ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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