I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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