Screwed.edu
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
