ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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