I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
