Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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