I smell stomach acid.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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