living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
