It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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