i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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