What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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