never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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