I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
