im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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