You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
