It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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