omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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