awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize