This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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