Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
3 2 1 whiskey
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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