I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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