I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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