Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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