i need an iv and a liver transplant
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
