A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
