And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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