you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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