Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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