the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
