I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
