i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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