Your dad touched me again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
