I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
