Slut skills are useful in every country.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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