I will die if light touches me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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