do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
