Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
