True but thats because hes a fetus.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize