The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
