I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
