i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
