I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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