he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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