I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
