Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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