i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
