It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
