he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
