Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
