I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
