I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
