Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize