so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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