You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
