.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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