He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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