I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is my gift to your gina
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
