I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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