we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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