ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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