I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize