I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
