i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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