Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
