sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
