Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
