Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
