the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
