you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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