The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
