dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
did i walk over a car last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
