i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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