Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize