All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
