I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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