make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
