remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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