Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
