That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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