Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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