billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
