so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
