I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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