Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
third nipple confirmed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
