Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
