I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize