Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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