i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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