I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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