My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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