i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
