my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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