it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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