areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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