My liver just broke up with me...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
