Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
