Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
