so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize