i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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